I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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