that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
