you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
