It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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