her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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