I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
