i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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