Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
