he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
