i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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