I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
