I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
