guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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