Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
