That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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