Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
