Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
