Having a random hookup so left but love u
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
