So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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