My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
