So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
