Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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