Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
