maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
