I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She tied me up with her honor cords...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
