He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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