I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
