i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
