worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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