I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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