Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
