the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i now understand why vodka
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
