i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
