508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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