My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm passing your future prison.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
