I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
