why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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