I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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