Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
