My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
