Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
