i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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