I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
