there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
