Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she smelled like a LAN party
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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