...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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