you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
