His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
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I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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