Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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