what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
