Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
