If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
