I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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