i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The ass gains better be worth it
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