Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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