It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
