Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He called his prostate his "boner button".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
