I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
