My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
