I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
