____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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