Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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