i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this beer tastes like vomit already
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
